


What friends are for

by AceLucky



Series: A life time of Gaddes [2]
Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Allen crushing on Gaddes implied, Confrontations, Drinking, F/M, Friendship, Gaddes has a tough ride really, Headcanon, M/M, Memories, Swearing, cursing, relationships, some sexism I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:51:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7169912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaddes confronts Allen regarding his affections for both Hitomi and Millerna and attempts to get him to figure out why he feels the way he does. In doing so Gaddes acts in a slightly unexpected way due to  a little of his past getting dragged up and allows his anger at Allen's actions to show. After a bit too much to drink, will Allen finally soften and confess to Gaddes what's been going on inside his head?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What friends are for

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this hasn't been beta read, so anything you notice that's incorrect please let me know and I'll fix it.
> 
> This piece was in regard to a head-canon about Gaddes’ respect for women, touching on things that have happened to family members and also how he is the one to confront Allen about Millerna and Hitomi. I explore their friendship and boundaries of that; it does go off in a slightly different direction than I’d originally planned at the end. I just feel Allen is really confused and peacocks a lot to cover up certain truths. I also worried that I make Allen out to be a bit of a dick, that wasn’t intentional and I’ve tried to soften it as I don’t hate him as a character, so I really do apologise if it comes off like that. I’ve been working on this for two weeks and I just can’t get it to a place where I love it, but I feel this is the closest I’m going to get and I can’t invest much more time in it due to stuff in real life. I’ve taken a few liberties/bit of artistic license with this too, I realise Allen and Hitomi don’t kiss properly until after Millerna’s wedding, however in this they’ve kissed once before the wedding. There’s some profanity in it, obviously, it’s Gaddes and I figure he ‘swears like a sailor’. 
> 
> Also I haven't tagged any relationships in this as there isn't really a sole relationship aside from friendship. I was going to tag Allen/Hitomi, Allen/Millerna and Allen/Gaddes implied but I don't like messing up tags.

Gaddes approached with caution, he’d gone over what he wanted to say to Allen a hundred times in his mind, but the thought of confronting his boss wasn’t an appealing one. But Gaddes had to say something; he felt he owed it to Hitomi and Millerna, besides he’d made himself a promise many years ago.

Allen chuckled as he sat back in his chair, kicking off his boots, humming nothing in particular as Gaddes strode purposefully into the room.

“Good day boss?” Gaddes asked, already fully aware of the answer.

Allen nodded; eyes closed, “Always a good day with those two around,” a smirk played on his face.

Gaddes sighed and rested his hands on a chair, “Hitomi and Millerna,” he stated.

Allen opened his eyes and winked, “What could be more wonderful than the affection of two beautiful ladies?”

Gaddes scratched the back of his neck, “Oh I don’t know, peace?”

“Peace? Yes well I guess that would be nice. But having two ladies crave your attention isn’t a bad place to start,” Allen took a long sip of wine.

Gaddes shrugged, “I wouldn’t know. But what I do know is that it won’t end well,” he walked over to Allen, rested his hands on his boss’ shoulder

“I’ll end up with one of them in the end,” Allen stated.

“I didn’t mean you,” Gaddes said. He waited for Allen to respond but found him tight lipped so he continued, “One of them will be hurt,” he emphasised the word them.

“I don’t want to hurt either of them Gaddes; I’m not going to sleep with either of them until I know. Millerna is engaged to Dryden anyway, I’m just enjoying my time with her until they’re married and then I can be with Hitomi,” Allen replied.

“Then why not just show your affections to Hitomi?“ Gaddes tightened his grip on Allen’s shoulders.

“It’s not that simple. The way it makes me feel, the way it makes them feel. I’d never intentionally hurt them you understand. They’re both happy and attention can be so satisfying. It’s good to feel needed Gaddes.”

Gaddes was confused, “Yes but when someone gets hurt in the process and when the hearts you’re messing with are replacements for others.”

Allen cut in, flinching as Gaddes spoke, “Replacements for others?”

Gaddes sighed, “Marlene, Celena, come on Allen you can’t say you haven’t noticed the resemblances?”

“You don’t understand.”

“No Allen, you don’t, you don’t get to play with other people’s lives like that, don’t get to screw one of them over and fuck everything up for them! “Gaddes snapped, unable to conceal the anger any longer, his fingernails practically digging through the cloth of Allen’s shirt. He had meant to approach the subject at a much slower rate, he hadn’t meant to escalate things in a matter of seconds but it happened all the same.

Allen opened both eyes, appearing a little shocked at his friend’s outburst. “Oh?” He asked coolly, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, it means nothing,” Gaddes let go and walked away, “Sorry boss.” He knew he was in way too deep, to swear like that at him.

“Gaddes!” Allen shouted.

Gaddes stopped in his tracks, knowing better than to ignore his boss, he gave a disgruntled sigh not wishing to anger Allen but knowing he’d crossed the line. It was now or never, he’d have to say something, if not his mother would turn in his grave.

“What did you mean?” Allen spoke slowly, patiently. Gaddes found this infuriating.

“I just think that, well don’t you think it’s a little unfair? You’re chasing after the two of them, shamelessly flirting with Hitomi, yet caught kissing Millerna, a Princess who’s engaged. After your history with Marlene…” He stopped, _shit I’ve gone too far._ He ruffled his hair, staring into the void that was his friend’s face, a blank expression, frozen completely, “No smoke without fire and all of that.”

“Hmmph,” Allen closed his eyes, “Since when has my love life been your affair?”

“It isn’t, I don’t care what you do or don’t do, but what I do care about is those women. Hitomi is vulnerable, far from home, a lot of weight rests on her shoulders, Van relies on her too much and then there’s you confusing things. I just think it’s irresponsible, you want to be taken seriously as a Knight but you keep up this play boy act and it’s just not good enough.” Gaddes hadn’t realised it but he’d started to raise his voice. Catching his reflection in the glass he realised the vein in his temple was standing out, something that only ever happened when he was furious.

“Is this because you’re not getting any? When was the last time?” Allen smirked.

“Really Allen?” Gaddes rolled his eyes, no longer referring to Allen as boss or by title, “This has got nothing to do with me.”

The smirk disappeared from Allen’s face, “You’re right Gaddes, it has got nothing to do with you so stay out of it.” He pulled out his coin purse and threw a few gold coins at him, “Go pick yourself a lovely lady next time we’re near a brothel.”

“Ah-hem,” Gaddes spun round to see Hitomi stood in the doorway, “Gaddes I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude, I just…”

Gaddes turned red, he guessed Hitomi must have heard the end of the conversation and now had no idea what she must think of him.

He smiled, trying to fight through the embarrassment, “Not at all little lady, you’re always welcome.”

Hitomi smiled, “I was just wondering if I could have a word with Allen?” She seems shy Gaddes thought. “Of course,” He gave a slight bow.

Hitomi touched his arm, “Gaddes, is everything okay?” The sincerity and kindness in her voice near broke his heart. He nodded, “Yeah, we’re just mucking around,” he patted her hand gently, “Thank you.” He shot Allen a warning glance and then left the room.

A few hours later and Gaddes was keeping watch, Allen approached near cautiously. He stood beside his friend in silence; Gaddes could feel his presence without turning his head, “What did Hitomi want?”

“A friend,” Allen replied.

“Was that all?” Gaddes asked turning to face him.

Allen nodded, “I held her, I could have,” he paused, unsure whether to continue, “I could have kissed her, her lips were so close to mine, I could have kissed her again.”

Gaddes raised his eyebrows, “Again?”

Allen closed his eyes, “The other week, in the rain, I kissed her. I want to ask her to be my wife.”

Gaddes looked like he was choking, “You want to do what?”

“You said I needed to stop playing them both, Millerna will be married within the week, and so I’m going to ask Hitomi to marry me. Make an honest woman of her before I advance any further like I did with Marlene.”

Gaddes could hardly believe what he was hearing, “Boss that’s not really what I meant.”

“Would you rather I just slept with her?”

“No, no,” Gaddes sounded distraught, “It doesn’t all have to be about sex you know that right?”

“I know, but when I’m with her I’m at peace. Imagine how I’d feel to be one with her.” His voice was soft, close to a whisper like he was melting. The way Gaddes was staring at him was making him feel uneasy, his tone changed, a defence mechanism, “You’re just jealous.”

Gaddes pushed back from the wall, “I know what it’s like, and I’ve been in love in case you forgot. I also know what it’s like to feel that close to someone, remember Eleanor? Shit if you’re so desperate for a shag just go to a brothel like you told me,” he threw the coins that Allen had given earlier back at him and stormed off.

“Gaddes!” Allen called but this time Gaddes ignored him, “Gaddes get back here, that’s an order!”

But Gaddes didn’t come back, instead he stormed to his small room; he was meant to remain on watch. Gaddes had never before left his post; he didn’t know why Allen and his attitude had gotten to him this much. He knew Allen could be a play boy, but he was a good man despite everything, he did want to be honourable and protect others. It was just his attitude towards some women stunk and it ate away at Gaddes’ morality. He’d seen the way men had treated his sisters, the way they’d played with their hearts and then screwed them over, left them broken.

His younger sister was pregnant aged 15, same age as Hitomi. The man she loved, the man who’d promised her the world had left with another girl. Gaddes was ready to kill the man that had done that to her, left her a single mother, ‘damaged goods’ as he heard men refer to her, it made his blood boil.

An hour later Gaddes reappeared out on the balcony where Allen was sat staring into the night, an empty jug of wine on the table, Natal asleep on her perch. “Commander,” Gaddes said as if nothing had happened earlier in the day.

“There you are,” Allen said getting up to greet his second in command, a slight sway that didn’t go unnoticed.

Gaddes sighed, he’d managed to calm down somewhat and was feeling annoyed that he’d allowed himself to get so riled up. It was unlike him to go against orders or talk back to his commander.

“I wanted to apologise, I forgot my place, it’s none of my business what you get up to or with whom,” Gaddes spoke reluctantly; it was a bitter pill to swallow.

“I keep thinking of her, the way her hips sway when she walks, runs, especially when she runs. That short hair, big eyes, the vulnerability when,” Allen stopped, he hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t meant to sound quite so much like a predator.

Gaddes squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers tightening his grip on the hilt of his sword, this didn’t go unnoticed by Allen, “That’s not what I meant,” he continued.

“No?” Gaddes asked gruffly, “There’s a lot of men who prefer a girl who’s vulnerable, prefer a girl who says no,” he spat.

Natal opened her eyes, gave a shrill ‘hoo-hoo’ and flew off, no doubt to hunt. Gaddes wished he could do the same.

Allen stepped back clearly shocked, he knew he had a reputation, but whilst he loved the company of women he’d never do that, he couldn’t, “Gaddes you know I,” he was interrupted, “I know, I know,” Gaddes shook his head.

“What I meant was her innocence, I love her innocence, and I’d never have kissed her if she’d said no, if she stepped back. It had to be her decision.”

“Sorry,” Gaddes responded sincerely, “I know you would never do that, it’s just my sisters, my mother, the poor girls who work in the brothels. I hope when the war is over we can rebuild for the better.” He gazed out into the night sky, “Women aren’t weak, it’s not that they need protecting, but there are a lot of men who need castrating.” He said fist clenched.

Allen walked over to him and patted his back, “Can’t say I disagree with you there, it’s my job as a Knight.”

Gaddes gave a smile, “What you gonna do boss? You can’t keep playing them both like that, and then pining over Marlene,” he paused, “Then there’s Eries.” Though his smile faltered a little when he said it, Eries deserved far better than his friend... He paused for a moment, waiting on Allen's response, She'd looked beautiful the last time he'd seen her. 

Allen’s eyes widened cheeks red, Gaddes was unsure if it was the wine or a confession, “Eries? I’ve never…”

“Oh don’t give me that crap, then there was the girl the other week.”

“She was a whore,” Allen snorted.

“That’s her job!” Gaddes snapped, immediately taking a deep breath. All he wanted was this to be over with.

“Fine, so I like women. How am I supposed to decide?” He folded his arms, nearly pouting.

 _He’s just like a child_ Thought Gaddes. He took a deep breath, “Allen, have you ever considered that it’s not your choice?”

Allen looked confused.

“That neither Millerna or Hitomi or anyone else for that matter, has an obligation to be with you, they actually have to want it to?” Exasperated Gaddes slid down the wall and sat on the floor.

Allen paused, he’d always been so sure of himself, overly confident, Balgus had told him that. Sometimes he got so carried away in a game, in denial of his own emotions that he didn’t think. He never stopped to think, he wanted to be honourable, he didn’t want to hurt anyone truthfully. But he just ploughed on through; it was only now that Gaddes had brought his actions to his attention that he felt nervous.

Allen hesitated for a moment before speaking, “You’re right.” He slumped down next to his friend.

“And you just think you can march on,” Gaddes stopped suddenly and looked across at Allen, “What?”

Allen leant his head on Gaddes’ shoulders, he sighed deeply, “You’re right, I have to grow up now.”

A silence passed between them, each of them taking in the words the other had spoken. Gaddes swore he heard Allen’s heart pounding, he seized up, unable to move, “Boss, I…” He trailed off as Allen started to shake, he could hear sobbing.

Gaddes shifted his weight back a little, hoping Allen would get the picture and at least retreat to the balcony edge to regain some composure. Whatever Gaddes thought the outcome of his questioning would be he didn’t think it would be this. Unfortunately for Gaddes this had the opposite effect, instead of retreating; Allen’s head fell into his lap. Gaddes froze for a moment, sighed and removed his right hand glove before placing his hand in Allen’s hair.

“What the hell am I doing?” He muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Allen sobbed.

Gaddes started to stroke Allen’s hair, running his fingers carefully through it so not to pull at any knots. Knots… that was unlike Allen, come to think of it he appeared more tired than usual, circles round his eyes.

“What’s going on boss?” Gaddes asked softly, terrified he’d pushed him too far. After this he wished he had a woman he loved to go to who would stroke his hair the way he was doing to Allen, someone to listen to all his fears and worries. Like he was doing to Allen, god what was this?

“Don’t call me that,” Allen mumbled into his lap.

“Huh?” Gaddes raised an eyebrow.

“Just call me Allen,” he said in a resigned voice.

“Okay, Allen, what’s going on?”

“You’re right, you were always right. What I do, it’s not fair to those women. Hitomi does remind me of Celena, that’s why I love her so much, is that weird?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “And Millerna, Eries was right; she’s a replacement for Marlene. I used to be so sure of myself but now I feel lost and confused. It’s all an act, a selfish, childish act for attention and so people don’t see the truth. Only you do, don’t you?” He asked as he looked up at Gaddes fondly. He reached out and held Gaddes’ chin.

“Err,” Gaddes shifted uncomfortably, feeling the weight of Allen in his lap pushing down on him. It’s not that he bore judgement towards those in relationships that some more backward members of society considered wrong. Love was love as far as Gaddes was concerned; the same went for sexual attraction. But Allen was his boss and more importantly his friend and Gaddes, well as much as he saw why the ladies were attracted to him and other men, he just preferred the company of women. He was cradling Allen’s head now; he probably just needed a friend, this probably was nothing, probably…

“Maybe I just need sleep.” Allen murmured into his lap. “To sleep on it all.”

“That’ll be it,” Gaddes reassured him, “And in the morning we can talk about this,” by this he meant the situation with the women, not his boss’s head in his lap. Natal appeared, flight so silent that Gaddes didn’t notice until she landed, claws bloodied, it had been a successful hunt.

Allen smiled in the direction of the owl, then back at Gaddes and nodded, “That one knows, the owl is wise. Millerna is to be married, Hitomi reminds me of Celena. Maybe,” he broke off due to yawning, his chin pressing down onto Gaddes who gave a sharp inhale, “Maybe I need to concentrate on other things, like the war for one,” he finished.

 _Was that a nuzzle?_ “Time for bed,” Gaddes helped lift Allen to his feet, his arms wrapped tightly round his waist. He helped guide Allen to bed, he hadn’t quite realised how much Allen had drunk previous to their meeting until now. He sat Allen down on a chair so he could pull back the sheets and blankets on the bed. He knelt in front of Allen to unlace and remove his boots, then removed his sword belt. Gaddes thought it wise to stop there and so guided Allen to bed; he tucked him in and swept the hair from his forehead.

“Allen,” he murmured as he pulled away, concerned for his friend.

Allen pulled him back in close and said sleepily, “Thank you Gaddes, you’re a good friend,” his lips near brushing Gaddes’. Allen yawned and fell back into the pillow.

Gaddes left Allen’s room, temples throbbing, cheeks burning, tired and confused.

 _And this is why I shouldn’t have interfered,_ Gaddes couldn’t help but smile to himself, despite how the night ended a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. In the morning they could talk about this without the influence of alcohol and lack of sleep. All Gaddes wanted in that moment was someone he loved to return to, a woman who would hold him tightly as he recounted the events of the day. The image of Eries stood, stern but not unkind when trying to protect Millerna entered his mind, that was what he wanted. Someone to care for him the way he had been caring for Allen. Because the truth was, as much as he’d raised the issue to protect Hitomi and Millerna, Allen was his best friend and this intervention had been as much for him as it had them.


End file.
